Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
