so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
