Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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