You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
