I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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