it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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