I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
