This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You need a sexual gate keeper
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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