I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
