Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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