I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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