dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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