You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
