I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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