Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
