She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
