It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
