Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
