If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
