she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
