wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
