I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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