Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize