Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
