is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
