He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize