I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
