I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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