peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize