her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
