I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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