tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
