How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
