I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
