please come you make the beer taste better
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
