I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
