i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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