Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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