we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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