she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize