well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just high enough for therapy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
