just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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