I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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