She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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