I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize