Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
