Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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