I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
