i jhust puked up my retainher.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
