He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
