I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
