Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
