I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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