Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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