for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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