You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
