dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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