I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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