she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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