There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So many bounce houses so little time
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
