dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
