So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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