after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
