I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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