I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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