Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
