i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
