My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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