I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
