it wasn't lemon gatorade
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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